


Inertia

by ChuckTingle



Category: Hatoful Kareshi | Hatoful Boyfriend
Genre: Coercion, M/M, Molestation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-17
Updated: 2018-01-17
Packaged: 2019-03-06 02:35:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13401633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChuckTingle/pseuds/ChuckTingle
Summary: Kawara Ryuuji has waited a long time to get what he wanted. Isa's thirteenth birthday is as good a time as any to conduct a very important experiment.





	Inertia

**Author's Note:**

> Take off my clothes and I feel useless,  
> Don't think I know how to do this.  
> Once I was told, but I like to fidget  
> [And miss out on good advice.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPCSFThmyUs)

“Good morning, Isa! ...Hey! It’s a special day, isn’t it?”

“...Wednesday, correct?”

“You’re saying you forgot?! Isa-kun! How could you forget your own _birthday_?”

“Oh… Frankly, it slipped my mind.”

“Again?!”

“So it seems.”

Isa Souma sat hunched over a desk, staring at the topmost of a stack of important papers. His birthday, huh? Leave it to Kawara to remember when he forgot. Somehow, despite it being the same day every year, it always seemed to get buried behind everything else in his mind. Work simply took priority. Perhaps that was an unhealthy mindset for someone of his age to have. Perhaps he should be off having fun, making friends and playing games… but that did not appeal to him. He was a gifted child scientist and had been for as long as he could remember. His work was his life now. This lab, his home. After all, he had never felt at home anywhere else.

“Ah, man! But come on, can’t we still celebrate?” Kawara’s words snapped Isa out of his thoughts, “You never let me celebrate…”

Excitedly, Kawara raced over to him from the doorway he’d entered from. It was roughly… Isa glanced at the clock. Four P.M. In retrospect, he was surprised that Kawara hadn’t wished him a happy birthday that midnight, as they were both certainly awake. The difference, however, is that Isa had gone to sleep a few hours later, and woken up early the next day. It seemed that, as usual, Kawara had simply slept the day away. 

“I have no time to celebrate. There is always work to be done.”

“Okay, but…” Kawara pouted, “How old are you now? Like, eighteen? That’s gotta be worth celebrating for once.”

Isa paused. How old _was_ he now…? He took a moment to recall. _Well, it’s 2174, and I was born in 21… er… 61, so…_

He glanced up and to the left, finding himself face to face with Kawara, “I am thirteen, doctor.”

“...Ahaha, I was getting a little ahead of myself there, I guess! You just act so mature, Isa.”

“I suppose it’s an understandable mistake to make…” Isa shrugged, turning his attention back to his desk, “For you, I’ll let it go. Now please, doctor, leave me to my work.”

Kawara frowned, scratching his head, “But… Isa-kun… Thirteen is a big number too, you know?”

Sighing, Isa put down his papers _again_ and stared straight ahead, “Do tell me why.”

“You’re a _teenager_ now.”

Isa blinked. A… teenager? Well, he supposed that label did now fit him. He’d never paid much attention to exactly what stages of an average person’s childhood he was currently passing through. They didn’t apply to him, really. He had never even felt like a child; to be dubbed a teenager now was off-putting to say the least.

“Fair enough,” Isa said, “But why does it matter? My age has never been of any consequence to me. Why should it be for you, doctor?”

“Ah, well…” Kawara seemed to falter as he spoke, but he immediately recovered his joyful tone of voice, “There are certain studies I’ve been wanting to partake in with you for a while now, but you had to be ready. I think that now that you’re a teenager, you are.”

The doctor had a strange look in his eyes that Isa was unsure how to read. He had seen that look before, he thought, but only for an instant, before Kawara looked away. This time, however, his eyes lingered on the boy. Isa shivered. This felt odd, but the prospect of new experiments to conduct was intriguing enough for him to ignore it.

“What are you getting at? New studies? In what field?”

“Oh, uh,” Kawara stuttered, “A completely new field.”

Isa was beginning to grow impatient, “Sir, I know you are a gifted scientist, and as such, I value the research you do. If I can help in any way, I would be honored to. All I ask is that you give me the details.”

“Well, you see Isa,” Kawara started, smiling sheepishly and scratching his neck, “Even I am unsure of the details… this study will be very experimental.”

The look on Kawara’s face was beginning to concern Isa. He had approached him and was now standing rather close, looming over him somewhat menacingly. Attempting to keep his composure, Isa gulped and cleared his throat.

“Doctor, are you alright? You seem a little off. Is this another hunch you have? I know you’re almost never wrong, but what about this experiment is so important that it must remain secret from me? We are partners, after all.”

“There’s a difference between this experiment and the others we’ve conducted, Isa,” Kawara explained, his expression growing solemn. The sudden seriousness startled Isa, and he exhaled sharply.

“...and what difference is that?”

“The subject is you.”

Isa blinked. That was not where he thought the doctor was going with this. Illegal substances, immoral methods, sure, but an experiment on _him_? How queer.

“Pardon?”

“I would like you to assist me in conducting an experiment on…” Kawara hesitated, as though trying to remember, “...inertia.”

_Inertia? Is he mad?_

“I… am fairly certain, sir, that Newton made that concept rather clear already. Are you sure you’re well? I’m concerned.”

“I’m fine, I’m fine… Just… the less you know about this going in, the better…” Kawara leaned down and grasped Isa’s wrists. The sudden contact took him off guard, but he let the doctor’s hands stay there as he finished what he had to say. “I only want you to agree.”

“How am I to agree to something I don’t even know the details of?”

Kawara looked him dead in the eyes, “Do you trust me, Isa-kun?”

Isa hesitated, “I do.”

“Then please listen to me. This experiment is… important. Your cooperation would make it run smoother.”

Something felt very wrong. Kawara had always been impulsive and rash, but it always contributed to his research. This? This didn’t feel like that. It was impulsive. It was rash. But was it research? Isa was no longer sure.

But he _did_ trust Kawara. He was the only person Isa could ever trust. Whatever this strange endeavor was, it had to have a purpose.

“Okay, doctor,” He decided at last, “I’ll cooperate.”

Kawara beamed, and Isa saw that odd quality return to his expression, “Great! Oh, Isa… This is going to be great.”

Isa straightened his posture and adjusted his glasses. If he were going to do this, however strange the doctor was acting, he may as well remain professional. He reached onto the table and grabbed his notebook and a red pen. He turned on his chair so he was facing the doctor and prepped his pen to annotate, “Surely. Now how do we begin?”

Kawara laughed, placing his hand on Isa’s and pushing the pen away from the paper, “You don’t need to take notes, Isa. This is a bit more of a hands-on experiment than you’re used to."

Isa looked genuinely distraught, “But sir, I need-”

Making a long, soft, “shhhh” sound, Kawara knelt down in front of his chair, looked Isa in the eyes and smiled eerily. The boy did not resist as he slid his notebook out of his hands closed it, and placed it on the table. Despite Kawara’s odd behavior, this assertion into his space was nothing new. Isa was already used to the doctor getting in his personal bubble. As his superior, he could do what he needed to do, even if that meant pulling things out of his hands, or guiding him around.

If it bothered him, it didn’t show.

Isa stared at the doctor for quite some time. Kawara made a few assorted expressions, seeming to range between excitement, nervousness and that familiar glimmer in his eye when he sensed a new prospect ahead. Isa was used to that expression, but he couldn’t help but be unnerved at being its recipient. Above all else, there was a hesitation in his movements. He’d reach out… but for what? He’d curl his fingers, as though deciding against it. He’d sigh.

“Sir?”

“Sorry, sorry,” he mumbled, “I’m just so close.”

“Close to what?”

“A breakthrough…”

Isa chuckled, “Already? Surely you must jest.”

Kawara squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head, “I can’t believe I’m doing this.”

“ _You’re_ doing this? Sir, if you don’t need my help, I won’t be offended. While this new project fascinates me, I have plenty of other things to get done. I understand if you’d rather work alone. Don’t feel obligated to give me partial credit.”

Kawara suddenly grabbed Isa’s leg, mad in the eyes, “ _No._ U- Uh, I mean… You’re integral to this experiment, alright, Isa? I’m just... studying you.”

Isa wondered why he didn’t let go of him. He squinted.

“What is there that you don’t know about me? And why study this now? Have we not known each other for years?”

“You weren’t _ready_ for years,” Kawara informed him, smiling as though to conceal… something, “And uh, _I_ wasn’t ready.”

“Can you tell me what’s going on?”

Kawara gazed at Isa’s face and inhaled through his teeth, unable to avoid the reality of this any longer. There was a hunger in his eyes now. He was far too close. He couldn’t _bear_ to turn back now. Everything he’d ever wanted was right within his grasp. His fingers crawled centimeters up Isa’s knee. They touched his thigh. Kawara took his hand away and looked at his fingers. He flexed them and didn’t look up when he spoke.

“I’m going to need you to do exactly as I say.”

“Doctor, I… You didn’t answer my question.”

“Starting now, okay?”

Isa felt like he had so many questions, yet he was missing all the answers. Sure, he would obey, but how was he to help conduct the experiment if he knew _none_ of the prerequisites? What were they looking for? What was the control? Why was _he_ the subject?

While he was somewhat worried about Kawara’s odd behavior, he was mainly irritated. Perhaps he had done some new experimental drug again. Despite this logical conclusion, Isa somehow knew better. Kawara may make most of his greatest discoveries while high, but he was at his most planning, most calculating while sober.

And he seemed to know exactly how this was going to go.

Reluctant to begin without any information, Isa sighed, “Fine. I’ll listen to you. I _suppose_ my ignorance is part of the experiment.”

“Oh Isa,” Kawara started softly, standing up and taking off his lab coat. He placed it on the desk next to them. It was odd seeing him without it, wearing only a black t-shirt that likely hadn’t been washed in weeks. He swept his messy hair out of his face, but it fell back in his eyes, “You’re no more clueless than I about how this experiment will go.”

“But what about the scientific method? I’ll have to write a repo-”

“Stay quiet, Isa.”

Isa shut up. It was mainly out of shock at just how assertive his words managed to feel, despite being spoken so calmly and politely. Kawara narrowed his eyes at Isa, whose mouth still hung agape in shock.

“Wooww…” Kawara breathed, looking his subject up and down, “You actually listened. Okay.”

Isa gulped. Did he expect him to resist? He wanted to ask the question… but he’d said he would remain quiet. Besides, who’s to say Kawara would even answer? At this point, his best bet was to simply go with the flow.

Even so, why did he feel so nervous? He trusted Kawara more than anyone else in his life. Far more than he had ever trusted his parents, even. Yet being at his command… felt wrong.

What was the hypothesis?

Kawara took Isa by the hand, “Stand up.”

He did.

“I’m really glad we’re doing this.”

It’s ‘we’ now. Wasn’t it ‘I’ before?

Kawara moved the chair Isa had been sitting in to the side a little, out of sight, but not out of mind. Still holding Isa’s hand in his right, Kawara took his left and reached for his cheek. After hesitating for a moment against the hair of his temple, Kawara touched his soft skin and brushed his fingers down his face. Isa was beyond confused. 

What had he gained from that?

Then, Kawara kissed him.

Isa froze.

Perhaps, had it been quicker, he would have believed it to be a trick of the mind. But Kawara let his mouth linger on the boy’s tightly pressed lips. He pulled away with a shaky breath and looked Isa in the eye.

It was clear by now. He was afraid.

Kawara frowned, squeezing his hand tighter, “I’m sorry. Did that scare you? I think I moved a little too fast there. I just… I’ve wanted to do that for so long.”

_What? What is he talking about?_

“You’re familiar with inertia of course, Isa,” Kawara started, “I have, uh, somewhat of a theory. C- Can you tell me Newton’s first law of motion?”

Isa was still in shock.

“You can speak. Sorry.”

However, he struggled to do so. 

“I… um… For every action– No… Sorry. An object at rest will stay at rest until acted upon by a force. An object in motion will stay in motion until acted upon by a force.”

“Very good,” Kawara praised, “Now is it not fascinating that nothing at all is exempt from this rule? Not even humans, Isa. Even with as far as science has come… we can soar to greater heights than anyone ever imagined…”

He stared past Isa, into somewhere beyond, “We fly _circles_ around every other species on earth, Isa… yet we are still slaves to science. To inertia.”

Isa now trembling, wasn’t sure anymore of Kawara’s sobriety. But even as these mad words fell from his lips, it didn’t seem like the result of any inebriation. In fact, Kawara seemed well aware of just how ridiculous he sounded. Despite this, the blatant lies flew from his mouth like he’d rehearsed them. This was all part of the plan. But what plan?

“You’re not making any sense, doctor,” Isa mumbled hesitantly, shuffling back a few inches out of discomfort. He wasn’t sure if his gag order still stood.

Kawara seemed disappointed that Isa had retreated. Not surprised. Not reluctant. Simply disappointed. A sad, pitying look that said, “it didn’t have to be like this.” Slowly, he approached Isa again, putting his hands around his waist. It was a tender, caring, motion, not too low on the hips, like a slow dance. It was as though he were imagining a loving, reciprocating partner in his arms, not a scared, confused teenage boy. Slowly, he pushed the envelope by moving his hands lower and lower down Isa’s waist, stopping at the waistband of his pants.

“It doesn’t have to make sense to you,” Kawara said breathily, “Not yet.”

“But I…”

“Please be quiet.”

Isa’s words dissolved in his throat. The tone of Kawara’s voice sent shudders down his spine, but tingled on his neck. It was powerful, full of a desire he had never imagined possible before. What the doctor truly wanted from him was beginning to be clear, despite it baffling him. It was too odd to be true.

Kawara unbuttoned Isa’s khaki pants, softly grazing his hand against the front of Isa’s boxers. Isa finched and his entire body froze. His wide eyes met Kawara, and in a rare moment of weakness, 

Isa’s trembling breath gave him away.

“You’re frightened,” Kawara whispered. He chuckled bitterly and twirled Isa’s hair, a focused action as though to restrain his other hand from venturing any further, “Ha. I should have expected this.”

Isa knew nothing. There was so much he hadn’t been taught yet. He wanted to speak, but the doctor had told him to remain quiet. For as long as he could remember at Takaba labs, his 24/7 job had been to do as Kawara said. Why now, would that be any different? Why now, should he feel so scared?

“Do you really trust me?” Kawara asked him softly, still loathe to back away lest he lose his one chance. Isa’s heart beat through his chest and he averted his eyes nervously from his superior’s gaze. Weakly, he nodded. He’d never trusted anyone more. Kawara smiled and kissed him on the lips, gently this time, and although petrified, Isa did not pull away. Cold lips met warm, nervous trembling ones and the boy had never felt anything like it before.

It was unknown, either pleasant nor unpleasant, but it filled his heart with dread. He feared that which he could not study through science and research, and as of now, he hadn’t even the slightest hypothesis for what Kawara was thinking in this moment.

Why was he making him feel this strange way?

“Have a seat, Isa-kun… if you trust me.”

Isa glanced nervously at the chair Kawara had pushed aside and hesitated only briefly before stepping over to it and sitting down. Again, Kawara seemed downright shocked by how easily Isa was following orders. Sure, he was his superior, but he had always been… nervous. To try this had always seemed like a fantasy. For it to have been this easy all along… he shook his head.

Best not to get caught up in what could have been.

“Thanks, Isa,” Kawara told the boy with a smile. His face was wrinkled where his dimples were, from that smile he wore every day that only seemed to grow more sickening by the minute, “You’re helping me out a lot by doing this, you know? I already feel like I’ve learned a lot…”

Isa resisted the urge to speak up. What on earth of value could you have learned? How is this even research? You’re not even taking notes.

In that moment, Isa realized what he would from then on elect to ignore. He wasn’t taking notes. This was not science. This was a different kind of experiment, but he couldn’t bear to comprehend that. There was only one kind he knew, an that was what he would frame it to be.

Isa only nodded, a shy, nervous nod Kawara had seen often before when he socialized with the other lab workers. He had never been the most charismatic of children. It was a nod of resignation and unsurity. A nod used by a child who thought he knew everything when in truth he knew nothing at all.

“Okay,” Kawara mumbled to himself, rubbing his palms together and stepping slightly towards where Isa sat, “Newton’s law…”

He continued observing the boy, as though the sight itself were a phenomenon he never thought possible. He stepped to the side and reached into a bag he had placed on a nearby desk. Out of it, he pulled a few lengths of rope. Isa tensed. He was certainly smart enough to know what that implied.

Still, he’d been ordered to remain silent. What if speaking would ruin the experiment?

Kawara walked back over to the boy and opened his mouth as though to speak. Instead of doing so, he shut it and crouched down, pulling Isa’s pants off and securing his right arm to the side of the chair. Then his left. Then his legs.

Isa hardly struggled at first, but as it became apparent how painful this was going to become, he started to shift and fidget nervously. The bonds were harsh and rigid, and he was honestly surprised with how competently Kawara seemed to tie knots. It was unlike Kawara to be so fastidious with his work unless he knew he was on the verge of a scientific breakthrough. Perhaps any breakthrough, after all.

“Oh Isa,” Kawara said as he stood back and admired his handiwork, scratching at his patchy beard, “You look… wonderful. Did you know you look wonderful like that?”

Isa was taken aback. _Wonderful?_ Nobody had called him wonderful before in his life. His shaky breathing halted for a moment as he processed the comment. As soon as it resumed, he shrank back against the chair as best he could. Still unable to speak, he shook his head. Kawara smiled again, and it only made Isa’s heart more confused.

“Well, you do,” Kawara assured him, leaning in and pressing a kiss to his forehead. Isa flinched at the touch, and there was that frown again on Kawara’s face. Isa didn’t like to see that frown. This was what Kawara wanted him to do, so why did it feel so… wrong? Kawara closed his eyes for a moment a took a deep breath, then crouching down in front of his captive boy. Was he truly captive? Had he not done all of this at will, realistically?

Either way, he couldn’t help feeling utterly terrified.

Kawara reached again for Isa’s underwear, but as his fingers touched skin, Isa spoke.

“Doctor?”

Kawara blinked, “Um, didn’t I say no talking?”

“I’m nervous.”

“Uhhh,” Kawara chuckled anxiously, moving his hand to Isa’s thigh, “There’s no need to be nervous, Isa-kun… you’ll be alright, okay?”

“Okay,” Isa said, and squeezed his eyes shut.

For the moments that followed, everything seemed hazy. Maybe it was just how lost he felt, or maybe he was truly going insane. Kawara touched him, but he didn’t know how to feel about where. He didn’t want to ever remember any of this. If it was possible at all, he wanted to just disappear. No matter how far away he tried to keep his thoughts, he was there. This was real.

He felt all of it. He didn’t understand the feeling, but there was no way he’d ever forget.

A small noise escaped his lips and his eyes went wide. He hadn’t spoken, but he’d been ordered to ‘stay quiet’. Did that count as quiet? Kawara smiled at him and cupped his cheek in his hand, which felt uncomfortably warm.

“You like that, Isa?” he cooed gently, stroking the hair that fell to the side of Isa’s face, “See, I knew you would. I knew I wasn’t crazy…”

Those words worried Isa. He had never heard the doctor refer to himself as ‘crazy’ before, even at times where he arguably should have. He wanted to voice his confusion, just ask for a little bit of clarification. What was going on? He knew enough to understand the reproductive functions of sex organs, and the pleasure that came with fornication. This, however, was in an entirely new ballpark, and if his discomfort was an experiment, he figured he at least had the right to know why.

“Kawara,” Isa dared to speak up again, despite every warning not to. Kawara didn’t seem fazed, as though he figured the boy wouldn’t be able to resist asking questions eventually, but was hoping for the best, “W- Why are you doing this? Seriously? What… what is the underlying experiment?”

Kawara looked into Isa’s wide violet eyes and tried, only to fail, not to fall for their innocent vacant charm. He was a child genius, an amethyst gem placed in his presence only to tempt fate. What was there to say that wouldn’t ruin it all? Science. This was all science, right?

“Isa-kun…” Kawara started, carefully choosing his words as he spoke them, “There’s more to sexual relations than reproduction... did you know that? We’re testing the sort of other… benefits, uh, sex can have.”

Isa blinked, “I do not understand. What reason would there be to have intercourse, other than reproduction?”

Shaking his head and laughing softly, Kawara stroked Isa’s bare thigh, causing the scared boy to shudder, “Did you know that in some parts of Japan, macaques mate on the backs of sika deer? The female monkeys derive pleasure from it, and the male deer are not hurt by it, so they stand by and allow them to. It’s a commensal symbiosis.”

Whatever was he going on about this time?

“Commensal symbiosis,” Isa repeated, “Are you trying to tell me that’s what this is?”

Kawara sure hoped so, “Does that make sense?”

“It might,” Isa muttered skeptically, “If I had any idea where Newton’s law came into play.”

“Shit…” Kawara whispered, near-inaudibly, “Well, that’s part of the experiment. Didn’t I tell you already, Isa-kun? The less you know… the better.”

“But I just don’t–”

Cutting off his desperate attempts at clarity, Kawara shushed him softly and clamped a hand over his mouth. A painful feeling of utter helplessness crept into Isa’s gut as it hit him just how trapped he really was. All tied up like this, there had been no way to resist but through his words. Now silenced, he had no way to resist at all. He knew by now that even Kawara himself hardly even knew how to explain what he was doing. The more questions he answered, the more Isa would realize this wasn’t normal, wasn’t right. What Kawara didn’t realize was that Isa already knew that much.

What Isa didn’t know was how to stop it.

“I’m sorry, Isa-kun,” Kawara said in a suspect sympathetic tone, “I just told you I needed you to be quiet… if this experiment is to go as planned, you need to cooperate with me. You told me you trusted me.”

Isa squeezed his eyes shut. He really _had_ trusted him.

“If I take my hand away, are you going to stay quiet for me? No one else can know we did this experiment.”

Scared to the core, Isa didn’t know what to do but nod. Kawara smiled, and despite the malice Isa now saw behind it, he couldn’t help but still see the same kooky grin his quirky mentor had always given him. A smile meant a job well done. Praise meant he was worth something, and before Takaba Labs, before Kawara, he had always felt like nothing. His parents had never given him the light of day, and when they’d kicked it, he’d hardly shed a tear.

Kawara was giving him something at all, and he couldn’t help but be glad to take it. Even now, he wasn’t sure how he could hate the man. Not after everything he’d done for him. He supposed he could do the doctor this one solid.

Now trusting that his young subject would stay quiet, Kawara removed his hand from Isa’s mouth. He ruffled his hair, proud of his obedience, and rubbed his hands together.

“Thank you, Isa-kun. Now, where were we?”

Again, Isa lost sight of the moment. He could feel his hands on him, but he tried not to think of the implications. The worst part of it all was that in a lot of ways, it did feel _good_. 

Sometimes, it felt like more than just a favor he was doing for his boss. Sometimes, it felt like maybe there was something to this whole sexual gratification thing. With his knowledge of reproduction, and his knowledge that he despised and would never have children, he had never considered what benefit sex could have for him.

He felt violated, and there were no babies being made, so why did this strange sensation feel so… nice?

Quickly he realized that the noises he made didn’t count as speaking, at least not to Kawara. They seemed to please him, as he continually mentioned that he was doing a good job, and for whatever reason had his own cock in his hand as well. Eventually it all got to be too much, and Isa desperately gasped, “K- Kawara.”

Kawara opened his eyes and nervously glanced up at him, “This better be important.”

“What’s happening to me?” Isa moaned, shaking with nerves and ill-placed ecstacy, “Am I dying?”

“No,” Kawara rolled his eyes, smiled and slowly gave his cock another tug, “I think you’re probably orgasming.”

“Or–” Isa started, but Kawara cut him off by eliciting another moan of what he supposed passed for pleasure. Soon enough, he’d let loose a sticky load into Kawara’s right hand. Grinning as though he’d just won a marathon, Kawara let go, leaving Isa to his panicked attempts at deep breathing.

For a moment, he’d been able to ignore the sheer horror of what was happening to him. Now, everything once again felt clear as day.

“You’ve done well so far, Isa,” Kawara gasped between heavy breaths. To Isa’s dismay, it didn’t seem like the doctor was quite finished with him. Against his will, he let out a whiny sigh, as though he realized exactly what was coming and didn’t want to admit it. Isa squeezed his eyes shut as hard as he could. He couldn’t bear to watch any of this. It all seemed far too out of character. He wanted to trust Kawara the way he always had, but after all of this, how could he ever again? Maybe his discomfort was all in his head. Maybe, this was all fine. Maybe this was normal.

Somehow, when he opened his eyes, it still seemed hard to believe this wasn’t wrong.

“I- Isa, are you ready?”

“I, um,” Isa stammered quietly, unsure if that was actually an invitation to speak, “I don’t think so?”

Kawara let out a groan.

“Fuck, uh,” Kawara mumbled, having finished nonetheless, “Sorry, then.”

Isa stared up at Kawara as he rose to his feet, trying to ignore the sticky mess his boss had made all over his legs, “...sorry?”

“Yeah, this um… this all happened very fast.”

“You’re… sorry?”

“I guess I am, yeah.”

Isa took a deep breath and tried to contain himself. Despite everything, it was hard not to feel like he had no choice but to be an adult about all of this. His only option, despite it all, was to roll with the punches.

“Well, just, don’t be, I suppose,” Isa said, stumbling over his words more than he would have liked to. It wasn’t very convincing. Kawara gave him an anxious look.

“Did I fuck up?”

“I can’t say I know how to answer that, sir,” Isa whispered, after a brief contemplative silence, “However, I do have a request.”

However nervously, Kawara’s interest was piqued. He shakily attempted to clean up the mess he’d made, “Yeah?”

Isa’s heart and mind both felt like a void, “Can you let me get back to my work?”

“O- Oh…” Kawara stammered, “Right. Of course.”

Isa had no words to say as Kawara untied him from the chair and allowed him to stand. He had never put much thought into the concept of humility, of decency, until he had suddenly been stripped of something he’d never thought he’d had to begin with. Kawara looked down at him as Isa ensured he was tidied up enough and re-buttoned his pants. There were a couple suspicious looking stains. He sighed. It was difficult to decide where to look. In the end, Isa locked his eyes on the wall. Papers, posters, a clock, a fire alarm. It was a regular laboratory, and it was supposed to be a regular day at work.

What sort of human experiment left the subject torn and humiliated?

It destroyed him, it fascinated him, and he wanted nothing to do with whatever this feeling was that had crept up inside him. He wanted nothing more to do with Kawara, or this lab, or this life, but where was there to go? There was just so much he hadn’t been taught yet.

His faint, nervous breath hitched when he considered what else Kawara might try and teach him.

“I- Isa… Thank you, for um, helping with my experiment.”

Isa, staring hard at some irrelevant wall clock, hardly had it in him to humor him, “Well... are you happy with your results?”

“Uh… yeah, I would say so.”

“Good,” Isa muttered, and dizzily made his way back to his desk. He sat down once again, feeling different. He lifted his papers, feeling new. He could not help but glance over his shoulder, seeing the man he’d once trusted, feeling... confused.

“Betrayed” was such a strong word, after all.

For quite some time, maybe five minutes, Isa could feel Kawara’s presence behind him. Loose ropes curled haphazardly on the floor. A dirty shirt, new stains no more distinguishable than the old. 

A man, a mentor, a friend, a fool. Isa couldn’t bear to speak, but it was almost harder to bear the looming essence. Kawara broke the ice.

“I guess I’ll let you get back to work…” Kawara said softly, smiling, but Isa did not turn to look, “Thanks for understanding, I do feel like we learned a lot.”

Isa clicked his pen and started jotting down some notes in near-indecipherable shorthand. He did not respond.

“...Anyway. I uh, also have some work to do. I hope to catch up soon. Alright Isa?”

Another silence. Kawara took that moment to pick up any incriminating evidence he may have left around.

“Isa?”

“I’ll be here. Farewell.”

“...alright, kid.”

Kawara started out the door, but stopped in the threshold, as though attempting to hold onto what seemed like such a fleeting good thing.

“Hey, Isa?”

Wordlessly, the boy whirled his chair around. The look in his eyes was empty, but then again, had they ever had light?

“Happy Birthday,” Kawara told him, with a soft smile tainted by guilty eyes. Isa nodded, but he didn’t feel happy at all.

**Author's Note:**

> been working on this for quite some time now, i'm glad to finally see it come to fruition. i hope you guys enjoy my macabre take on a typically innocent-framed ship. sorry to disappoint anyone who may have hoped for different, but anyone who's read [Doctor's Orders](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5174726/chapters/11921030) may have already inferred that this is my headcanon.
> 
> yes guys, i do write other things :')


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